ok. i think i flunked this maths paper.

one more thing. i have a feeling i got some compulsive behaviour disorder or smth. hmm. lemme go check.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder causing a person to have recurrent and unwanted ideas or impulses called obsessions. Along with the obsessions, the sufferer will have an urge or compulsion to do something to relieve the discomfort caused by the obsession.

People with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder worry a lot, and they feel afraid that bad things could possibly happen to themselves or a loved one. Many people misunderstand the OCD condition and feel that they somehow caused themselves to have compulsive behaviors and obsessive thoughts. Nothing could be further from the truth. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is likely the cause of a number of complex and interrelated factors including the following:

-genetics
-biology
-personality development
-learning to react to their environment

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is not a sign of a character flaw or a personal weakness. OCD is a serious but treatable mental disorder. Proper treatment is requisite to achieve normal functionality in every day activities such as interaction at work, interaction with family, and social life. A person with OCD may have obsessions about any or all of the following:

-germs or dirt
-illness or injury (involving the person or someone else)
-coming across unlucky numbers or words
-things being even or straight
-things being perfect or just right in a certain way
-making mistakes or not being sure
-doing or thinking something bad

Consider the following list of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder compulsions:

-continuous and persistent hand washing or showering
-counting a certain number of a specific item before doing something else
-touching each reoccurrence of a specific item between two points
-doing things a certain number of times
-checking things repeatedly without being able to stop
-arranging things in a very particular or neat way
-asking the same question over and over

hmm. u noe wad? they are TRUE.

FUCK.

cass n i were discussing stuff. n i realised that i dunno wad i really wanna b when i grow up. i dun have an aim. i dun have smth 4 me to look up to , to motivate me, to recognise my success.

i don't have a passion 4 anything.

is that a good thing, or bad thing?

good coz like that, im flexible.

bad coz i dun have an aim.

feeling so out of place.

i want the fire, the passion, the WILL to LIKE something. someone.

n not decide another one is better aft a while.

looking into the broken mirror
what do i see?
i see a face
a face of uncertainty
a face of hope
a face of loss
a face of love
how am i to judge?

i peered over a hedge
i saw a young child
whose precious was lost
tear streaked
sad
angry
hurt
yet hopeful
i knew it was hopeless to find it in the thick bushes
so i told him
'why don't you just give up?'
he smiled a toothless smile
'i won't. coz hope is there. i will find it'

i want the passion to do something, n i will find it.

i'll hold you hand and guide you through the darkness.