it's really strange when all the people who tell you that they do care for you arent your closest family members, but your friends.

it's the same way when the people who are there for you in times of need, support in your every crazy and out-of-the-world decision that you make without doubting your capabilities or questioning you on whether the decision was because of a bad mistake from the past and lend you a listening ear when you need to bitch arent your immediate family, but your friends.

why are there so many people encouraging me, but none of them are actually my family members?

i couldnt even get thru a qn of whether i should go for dsa without getting intergorrated and accused of having seriously poor results in my current sch that made my decision.

trust me, that broke my heart. real badly.

why, when i excitedly (ok, more than excited. i was literally jumping off the roof.) called my dad to tell him i got into TA (im not that excited now, as you can see.) in sec 2, all he said was," orh. ok luh." you know, personally, i expected more than that. so much more. he even managed to sound disappointed.

why, he got more excited when he heard that my bro got posted to some neighbourhood school for heavens sake.

cant you see im doing all this shit just because of you people? if not for you guys i'd probably be one of those wrist slicing emos who do nothing but drugs. and cigs and beers. and sex too. for the entire day, ruining their worthless lives away because it is worthless. not that i dont cut; it relieves the pain inside. i just dont do the rest. (which reminds me. i gtg sterilise the penknife.)

im an attention loving bitch. and maybe im suffering right now is because im working too hard for your attn. it actually feels quite good when you boast about me; at least you rmb that you have a daughter. but then it turns into insults and gossipping about untruthful "truths" about me in which the most experienced liar would blush in shame.

you dont give a shit about me on normal days, but when it actually took a teacher to call you guys up and talk about my problems in school, your attitude just changed. you became so sickeningly sweet towards me; it was nauseating. why did it actually take a stranger (a bitch at that.) to tell you that i am changing into something that even scares myself?

guess i'll just never know. take that you never had this daughter.